lol I’m like 90% positive this description is longer than the book ahhhh . . . (you already knowwww what kind of review this is about to be)
At the Manhattan School of Art and Music, where everyone is unique and everyone is ‘different’, Gretchen Yee feels ordinary. It doesn’t help that she’s known as the girl who sits alone at lunch, drawing pictures of her favourite superhero, just so she won’t have to talk to anyone. Her best (and only real) friend is there for her, but that’s only if she’s not busy – she’s always busy!
It’s no surprise that Gretchen isn’t exactly successful in the boy department. Her ex-boyfriend is a cold-fish-sometimes-flirty ex who she can’t stop bumping into. Plus, she has a massive crush on a boy named, Titus but is too scared to make the first move. One minute he seems like a sensitive guy, the next, he’s a completely different person when he’s with his friends. She can’t seem to figure boys out!
Gretchen has one wish: to be a fly on the wall in the boy’s locker room. What are boys really like? What do they talk about?
I haven’t really talked about it much since I started blogging on here, but me and e. have a long history:
We Were Liars came out when I was in high school, and I just remember the huge buzz about it (nonono, not in my school, on the internet — our school YA section consisted of around 20 books because, like, three people read in that school while the rest either played football or pretended to be interested football, anyway . . . all of our school funding went to football because why not). WWL was one of the few books my high school library acquired. So, I was bored. I didn’t want to buy a book that was barely 100 pages and decided to check it out.
Little did I know that WWL would be my absolute, least favorite read of my entire high school career, if not my entire life up to this point. There are a million reasons why I hated it (yes, it takes a lot for me to hate a book, but I sure do hate WWL!), but that’s for another time. Because today, boys and girls, we’re reviewing Fly on the Wall by e. lockhart (all lowercase for maximum edge, of course).
Did I think it would happen? Did I think I’d ever pick up another one of her books? No. But do to the prodding of the amazing Sara, I am here now . . . writing you this rant review. So, enjoy. Or not. I don’t really care at this point, I’m so frustrated with this book.
WARNING: This is going to be ranty and have spoilers. Be advised.
Let’s start off with the positives:
- It’s short (and not being advertised as a novel, which a lot of these 25pt font, double spaced YA books seem to be doing these days)
- It ends
So, essentially the plot is of a girl who is the “awkward” one in an “all awkward” school, so you know she is definitely “not like other girls, but even more so” (none of those were direct quotes, but you get my point).
Oh! And did I tell you she likes Spiderman? BeCausE if I DIDn’T aLreadY, I’m sORrY. SHe liKES sPiDErmAn, okay? do NoT foRgET tHaT SHE IS A SPidER-LoVIng gIRL WHo DRawS aNd iS nOT liKe ThE OthER giRLs bEcause SHE liKEs spiDErMAn sO MUcH AnD cAN draW OkaY? (And if you forget just read the book and they’ll remind you every paragraph.)
So, this girl. Wants a boyfriend. Wishes to be a fly in the boys locker room. Becomes fly. Throw in a little divorce, and you’ve got yourself a published story. BOOM. (not a proven method, kids. please DO NOT try at home.)
Yes. That’s it. 66.6repeating% of the book is her watching naked boys in a locker room.
Okay, I can get behind a book making people comfortable with talking about their body and sexuality. I get it, okay? But, of course, to make the audience aware and actually learn we’re going to call all of the body parts by their anatomical names, right? Because surely “penis” isn’t a bad word or a word we should avoid because the main character claims to have seen 110 of them, right?.
No? No? Just me? Okay.
I made a key for you, so when you read this book (please do not) you don’t get confused:
gherkin = penis
booty = butt
biscuits = breasts
Besides the fact of what it’s trying to do (and ultimately, very badly, fails at), it’s essentially
about a stalker girl watching
guys get naked and knowing everyone’s
dick size and personal problems
by the end in order to get enough
confidence to ask her crush
(who is also awkward and not like the other kids).
(Sorry about that part up there being so broken up! I was just taking some inspiration from how 50% of the book is written.)
The end, guys! That’s my review!
Oh wait, the book is also about Title IX and unequal sized locker-rooms in a New York City school, and dealing with divorce, and a mom that randomly goes on vacation and who we never meet again, and Bean Curd something dolls, oh and coming out, and building confidence when you’re skinny, and bullying — all in a matter of 182 pages. But of course I don’t want to try and cram too much in such little space here! So, I’ll end it there.
What’s the worst book you’ve ever read? Let’s chat int he comments!